


There's no way I could say No!

by Eater_of_Unhappiness



Series: Devils do Cry from laughter [2]
Category: Devil May Cry
Genre: Boredom, Feel good thingy, Funniness, I need sleep, LIKE EVER, No Beta, No Character Death, Other, bad language!, first time posting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:15:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,636
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eater_of_Unhappiness/pseuds/Eater_of_Unhappiness
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On a boring day a Devil May Cry, Dante is even willing to work to ease the boredom. But luckily, something was on his side. Sorry no smut just lots of cursing. I haven't gotten a beta yet so yeah. Hope you all enjoy!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Boredom that (Almost) kills

To say things were boring was an understatement. Things at Devil May Cry were so boring that Dante had considered shooting himself with every last firearm he owned four times each. That's how boring it was. Dante sat in his chair bored as hell, wishing that his chair was a swivel chair instead... Maybe that could help with his boredom. He then decided it was best he didn't have one because Lady might of taken it as "debt collection" and then they would of had to fight because god dammit that was his swivel chair. But back to Dante's current state of boredom. Dante rocked back and forth in his chair, idly toying with Ebony as he slowly brought her against his temple. This would knock him out for at least five minutes before his body healed and he woke up with a splitting headache. But it was better than nothing. Just as Dante was about to fire the door to Devil May Cry opened and an extremely familiar individual stepped through.  
  
"Whoa Old Man! Things can't be so bad that you want to end it all?" That familiar individual commented in a cocky voice that had some concern laced in. Dante placed Ebony back on his desk with a smirk and leaned back in his chair.  
  
"Wouldn't have killed me. Would of knocked me out for twelve minutes. Tops. So what brings you to Devil May Cry kid?" Dante said as he got out of his chair and went to the mini fridge that was in the room. He could hear the irritation that was filling the boy. It brought the older Devil-Hunter an odd pleasure seeing him like this. Not some weird sexual pleasure but you know... A sadistic kind of pleasure... Dante blamed his demon side… now that he was thinking about it Dante blamed his Demon Side for a lot of things but whatever. Dante was about to ask the kid what he was doing here when he felt two bullets rip through his skull. Entering through one temple and cheek and ripping out of the other. Dante put a hand to his head and groaned.  
'Hello major head-splitting headache, here I come.' Dante thought as he felt the damage heal and the kid say  
  
"My name is Nero! Or have you forgotten in your old age?" Nero asked as he put Blue Rose back inside of her holster. Dante gave a smirk as he tossed Nero a can of beer and grabbed himself one as well. He was definitely going to need something to help him nurse his soon-to-be headache and he was sure that the booze would help him through. Dante sat back at his desk with a beer, or four, in hand and looked towards the kid. He had certainly grown in the last four years since he had last seen him. It was definitely the hair. He had grown it out and it laid tied up in a purple ribbon on the back of his head. Probably curtsy of his girlfriend. What was her name again? Krial? No... Kire? Not that either... It was something that started with a 'K' he knew that much... Oh yeah it was Kyrie... Right? Dante shook his head. It was pointless. He was too busy saving the world from another crazy cult to really pay attention to her name... Though he was sure the kid had shouted it enough times... Dante looked back at the kid once again. And then it donned on him.  
Why was Nero here at Devil May Cry when he could be at whatchamacallit with whatshername? Dante was going to ask and he was going to be super smooth about it!  
  
"So what brings you to my little part of the world Kid? Must be important if you didn't being your girlfriend with you." So smooth! 'God...' Dante began to think to himself, 'I really need to get out more. This boredom shit is really bring the worst out of me...'  
  
"Oh Kyrie... She... Well we aren't together anymore. She said I was more like an older brother to her." Nero said as he stared at his feet.  
  
'So fucking smooth... Now the kid feels horrible and you STILL don't know why he's here! Good going asshole.' Dante belittled himself as he thought of what to say next.  
  
"So um… why'd you leave?" Dante asked as he tossed the kid a beer that Nero caught with ease.  
  
"Fortuna doesn't look kindly upon 'Demon Scum' even if they did save the world." Nero muttered out as he walked further into Devil May Cry, closed the door, and sat on the couch. Dante rolled his eyes. Not at Nero, no that was for a later time, but at the stupidity of the religious cunt fucks that Nero was raised around. Dante got a good look at the younger half breed. He had the same skin complexion, no weird discoloring that could give away signs of abuse, his eyes were the same silvery blue color they were when the two first met, if anything they had gotten brighter and more fierce if that was even possible, and his hair, which he had previously mentioned, was down to his shoulders and tied up in a nice purple bow. The look suited him oddly enough. Dante popped open his beer and took a long, hard chug from it. The cold liquid felt good going down his throat. As Dante put his bottle down he heard a similar sound come from his right.  
  
"Well kid they're wrong. You aren't demon scum." Dante told Nero as he heard a few hoarse coughs. Dante leaned back in his chair, a bottle of alcoholic goodness in one hand and nothing in his other. Now that Nero was here, the older Devil-Hunter wasn't so desperate for a job. Especially since he had managed to pay back all of his debts with Lady, Trish, and Morrison all at once on a drunk bet. He was still the best drunk stripper out of all of them and he wasn't quite sure that it was something he was proud of. Dante shook his head clear of those thoughts as he enjoyed the idle silence between the two of them.  
  
"Hey Dante you think I could stay here for a while?" Nero asked, breaking the silence that had filled the shop. Dante thought about this but of course it didn't take long for him to decide. What could he say? He had a small soft spot for kids.  
  
"Sure kid. You can use the guest room upstairs." Dante told him before taking a swig from his beer. Nero sighed, 'probably in relief because I'm so awesome!' Dante really needed to get out more, and grabbed up a black bag that Dante hasn't seen him come in with. It was then that Dante noticed that Nero had his Devil Bringer in the sling.  
  
"Come here kid..." Dante said, causing Nero to raise an eyebrow at him before daring to approach the insane man.  
  
"What is it old man?" Nero asked. Before Nero could fully grasp what was happening, Dante had ripped off the sling that the younger had used to cover his Devil Bringer and burned it using Ifrit.  
  
"Gotta love hell fire. Burns anything and everything the user wants it to." Dante remarked as he let the ashes of the sling fall to the ground.  
  
"You won't be needing something like that in this city. Nobody actively cares enough about others enough to belittle someone about their arm. The city is crawling with demons so everyone is a little too busy for that kind of immature bullshit. They take help where they can get it and they leave it at that." Dante told Nero. He could feel the death glare he was getting from the younger die down before Nero stormed up the stairs and slammed a door.  
  
'Hope he didn't go into my room... I have to have some privacy... Though it seems that no one cares about that... I need another drink.' Dante thought as he emptied his bottle. He wasn't a light weight so he knew that one beer wouldn't get him drunk but it certainly helped with the headache he was starting to get. Dante sent another glance upstairs and sighed while remembering something he use to say in his teens.  
  
"Well it looks like the party is just getting started."


	2. Chapter 2

Nero was sitting around in his new room, cleaning each part of Red Queen slowly. He needed something to do and he was sure that if he kept talking to Dante he would either shoot the man again, take another beer, or start crying. He didn't know why crying was in his mental list but he was glad it wasn't anything weird like jump the man or eat his left lung... Nero shook his head violently to get all the thoughts out of it. Sometimes he seriously hated being alone. Whenever he was alone his thoughts went to weird places. Nero focused his attention back on cleaning Red Queen. This would give him something relaxing to do. That was until a ball of blonde and black came through the window and landed on him. Nero crashed to the floor as the blond/black object pinned him on the floor, causing Nero to hit his head against the wooden floorboards. His head, thoughts, and vision all swam as a female voice rang through the air like church bells.  
  
"And why weren't you in London with me and Lady for the massive demon invasion that was attempting to bring back Mundus? And make it a good excuse this time or I'll do more than shoot you in the head with lightening." Nero barely heard what the woman said but he was sure he was being mistaken for the old man.  
  
"I'm not Dante..." Nero believed the words left his mouth but with all the spinning and blurriness that was going on in his head, he couldn't tell. He felt the woman press more of her weight against the middle of his back.  
  
"Very funny. Well then who are you? Vergil? Nice try Dante but we all know what happened to him." Nero couldn't take the feeling of the woman digging into his spine and ripping it apart with her knee anymore and Triggered. He then quickly stood up, making the woman fall on her back.  
  
"Look here woman! I am Nero! N-E-R-O! Not Dante. If you're done being a complete and utter bitch then I would greatly appreciate it if you left!! I now have a window to repair and I've only been here one day!" Nero then grabbed her by the arm, dragged her to the door, opened the door, and proceed to throw her not only out of his room but over the banister and slammed his door.  
  
>  
Dante had decided that instead of shooting himself with Ebony or drinking away his full force headache, he was going to clean all of his weapons. So here he sat on his well worn yet comfy couch with every last one of his weapons around him. He had just started cleaning Ebony when something crashed into his desk. Dante and Nevan, who was helping him locate all of them, looked towards the crash site to see Trish slowly stand up.  
  
"You know what... I'm not even mad anymore." She said as she dusted herself off and looked towards Dante.  
  
"I see you have a new roommate. Were you feeling lonely without Patty?" Trish teased as she sat on the pool table. Dante gave out a huff of breathe and put Ebony down in his lap.  
  
"The kid came to me. Not vise versa. Seems the folks at Fortuna kicked him out so he came here. Who am I to deny the kid shelter?" Dante spoke slowly and calmly as he picked Ebony back up and began to clean her thoroughly.  
  
"Is that the kid who tried to kill you during the Savior incident?" Trish asked as she idly played with the 8-ball.  
  
"Yeah. Can't be mad at him though. If some guy in a red coat came through my roof and killed my religious icon then proceed to kill other people that I didn't know were demons then menacingly approached my potential girlfriend, I'd try to kill him too." Dante said smoothly as he finished cleaning Ebony, put her down, and picked up Ivory. He had a method to this. First the firearms... He could never decide which branch Pandora went under so he was always cleaned that one last. Right after Nevan who could never take this seriously and kept making dirty jokes. Then came the gauntlets, such as Ifrit, Gilgamesh, and Behemoth. Then the swords, Lucifer, Cerberus, Agni and Rudra who he hated cleaning because they wouldn't shut the ever loving fuck up, Nevan, and finally Pandora which was a simple wipe down the case, put the demon binding chains back on it, and stash it under his desk. However he would have to alter that plan slightly seeing as the current state of his desk was... "Unavailable" and he was pretty sure duct tape couldn't fix it. Dante gave a small sigh as he watched Nevan approach Trish.  
  
"Can I eat this one Dante. She looks very tasty and fun." Nevan asked as she placed a hand one Trish's shoulder.  
  
"Why don't you ask her? I mean I wouldn't advise it because well... lightening hurts but you are a lightening based weapon." Dante told the Devil Arm as he continued to clean Ivory.  
  
"Hmm. Can I eat you?" Nevan asked Trish. Trish gave her that look of "are you serious?" before shaking her head slowly.  
  
"No. I do like living." Trish chuckled lightly at the pout Nevan was giving her. Nevan then stalked off and went to retrieve Lucifer though Dante didn't know if he would see those two anytime soon or not. Dante sighed as he heard the upstairs shower begin to run.  
  
"So about that job in London?" Trish said in a slow, meaningful tone.  
  
"Well you see. Nero showed up and I couldn't just leave him by himself. The kid did come to see me." Dante said. It wasn't a lie. All of that did happen so yeah! Trish can suck it! Damn he was getting bored again...  
  
"You know what. The bathroom doesn't have any clean towels in it. Let meh just go fix that reeeeaaalll quick and I'll get back with yah..." Dante announced as he put his hands on the table in front of him. He had finished cleaning all of his weapons except Nevan and Lucifer so it wasn't like he was busy anymore. Dante rose to his feet and headed upstairs. Trish watched him go up the stairs and down the hall. Trish gave out a sigh. She knew Dante was attempting to get rid of her and she knew how to take a hint. The blond woman got off of the pool table and went to the door but before she could leave she heard the disaster that was happening upstairs.  
  
"Hey kid I brought you some clean towels!"  
  
"WHAT THE FUCK DANTE?!?! GET THE FUCK OUT!!"  
  
"What? You need me to make sure you got all the shampoo out? Of course I'll help!"  
  
"WHAT?! I NEVER SAID ANY OF THAT OLD MAN!! NOW GET OUT AND GET YOUR HEARING CHECKED BEFORE I HAVE TO REPLACE A WALL AS WELL!!"  
  
"Oh you think you missed a spot on your back? I'll help you. Geez... Kids these days."  
  
"NO GET OUT YOU PERVERTED OLD MAN!!! YOU HAVE FIVE SECONDS TO LEAVE BEFORE I KICK YOUR ASS!!"  
Trish decided she had heard enough as she left the Devil-Hunters alone.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading this plot bunny. Stay tuned for the next chapter!!


End file.
